Simple Ways to Improve Your Sex Life
Whether your sex drive took a total nose dive or an innocent catnap, these 40+ science- and expert-approved tips and tricks will boost your mojo in no time
Masturbation is a mainstay of both modern sexuality—and modern sex therapy. Not only does it help you understand what you like and what feels good for you sexually, but research also suggests that it’s good for your health. Studies have found that masturbation can stave off depression, reduce the risk of cervical cancer in women and lower the risk of prostate cancer in men. “Masturbation is a means to kindle our eroticism, explore our erogenous zones and enhance our libido,” says Kolbe. “The better we love ourselves, the better we can love others.”
It might sound unsexy, but putting sex on the calendar is one realistic and approachable way to ensure that it actually happens. “Frequency of sex is one of the major issues articulated between couples as a problem,” says Masini. “If one partner is a ‘numbers person’ and the other isn’t, this can make the discrepancy between how much sex one person wants and how much they’re getting, more complicated.” She recommends coming to an agreement on a range of time in which you both are willing to try and have sex—it can be once a day, once a week, once a month, but try and stick to it! Sometimes the guys are the ones dragging their feet: Here are six reasons men say no to sex.
Incorporate a little fantasy
If you or your partner is hesitant to try some of the moves you might have seen in 50 Shades of Grey, you might want to reconsider. “The mind is the foremost erogenous zone, so a stimulated imagination can powerfully stir the body through the sense organs,” explains Kolbe. (And you won’t believe what sex does to your brain.) For this reason, among many others, sexual fantasy can be beneficial for couples in relationships. “Sexual fantasies can entail mental scenarios involving persons other than one’s regular partner and include sexual activities considered exploratory and exhilarating.”
Maintain a healthy diet
As the saying goes, you are what you eat—meaning, if you’re eating fattening, fried foods, you will feel lethargic and will most likely gain weight (which probably won’t put you in the best mood for sex). “There is some evidence that diet, especially the Mediterranean diet, can positively impact sexual function in women with metabolic syndrome or type 2 diabetes,” says Dr. Millheiser. “When it comes to diet, loss of weight improves body image which, in turn, improves sexual function.”
Try a blindfolded surprise
Sometimes just the anticipation and excitement of not knowing what will happen can really amp things up, says McGough. “First, do a little homework: Each partner thinks of things that might be exciting to do to the other partner if he or she were blindfolded. Do searches online for exciting ideas—just don’t tell each other what your plans are,” he says. “Then, the morning you’re planning to have your new ‘game,’ you flip a coin to decide who will wear it.” Apply a soft cloth (or go all out and get a blindfold) to the partner who agrees to be blindfolded and have the other partner proceed with their planned “homework.”
Learn and practice ‘edging orgasms’
“Edging orgasms involve stimulating one’s self to the threshold of spasm, and then releasing, but not getting to the point of full body orgasm,” explains Kolbe. “By edging orgasms, we can sustain the sexual act for as long as we like and cultivate the many associated physical, mental and spiritual benefits.” Edging orgasms is also known as having ‘valley’ orgasms—waves of neuromuscular euphoria occupying the genital area and spreading sexual energy into the core and extremities of the body.
Rent a hotel room for a night
Hotel sex is tried and true, Masini says, whereas your home has implications that aren’t sexy—from your kitchen that reminds you of all of the dishes that need to be done to your bathroom where you might find those pesky beard trimmings you’ve been complaining about. “Getting out of the house, out of town or out of the country if you can afford to do so, is a great way to spice things up,” she says. ” If it works (and it will), make it a regular thing, switching up the get away.”